nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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