3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
