On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
