The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
