why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
