Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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