Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
