Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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