Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
