I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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