im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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