I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
