all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
