YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
