My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
