If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i was born a porn star she said
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
