ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
