Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
