"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
