they need to just BURY HIM!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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