I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
