my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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