am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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