Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
