i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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