Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
