I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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