Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
