Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
