Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
