Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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