so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
