Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
