u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
