So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Randomize
