Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
