How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
