i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
