So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
