I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He kissed a someone with a penis
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
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I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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