When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
