just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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