i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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