Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
