he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
