That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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