ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
