I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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