how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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