Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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