There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
