i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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