come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
