please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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