I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Randomize
