I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize