Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Two words: blizzard sex
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
