i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
