ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
