I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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