Someone shit on the floor
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
