Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
