you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
