My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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