OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
