Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
