apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Princesses don't give blow jobs
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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