I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
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I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
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Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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