The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
