I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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