but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
