Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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