R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
