There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
