Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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