People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
