You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize