I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
