just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
